How To Network Like a Human

I had a conversation recently with a young professional who’s trying to pivot industries and land a new role at the same time.

She’s sharp, driven, and doing what most people would consider “all the right things”—sending cold outreach, lining up coffee chats, applying across industries, and acting on every bit of advice she can get her hands on.

But nothing’s landing. No referrals. No traction. Just polite conversations that lead nowhere.

She’s frustrated—and understandably so.

The effort is there. But the way she’s approaching networking is working against her.

The loop she’s stuck in is one I’ve seen play out over and over again:

• Cold connect → Coffee chat → Ask for a referral

• Treat every single piece of advice like gospel

• Fill every silence with words—no room to think, reflect, or connect

It’s a well-intentioned but deeply ineffective strategy.

Step 1: Build Trust Before You Make the Ask

One of the first things I asked her was, “Why did you connect with me?” She didn’t really have an answer.

She was just hoping a conversation might lead somewhere. That maybe if she talked to enough people, something would stick.

But referrals don’t come from hoping. They come from trust—and trust takes more than a single coffee chat.

When you skip straight to the ask without building a relationship, you’re likely to hear no. Or worse, nothing at all.

Instead of asking for a favor, focus on learning about the other person. How did they get here? What helped them make their move? What do they know now that they wish they knew then?

Let the conversation be useful even if nothing comes of it immediately.

That shift—from trying to get something to genuinely learning something—builds real connection. And that’s the kind of connection that eventually leads to a yes.

Step 2: Stop Treating Advice Like a Strategy

At one point, she told me someone had suggested she target startups. So she pivoted her whole search in that direction the next day.

This happens all the time. Someone gives advice, and it’s treated like a directive—without context, without reflection.

But advice isn’t a roadmap. It’s just one data point.

The smarter move is to ask the same question in every conversation: “What advice would you give someone in my position?”

Then step back and look at the patterns. What keeps coming up? What aligns across different people and perspectives?

That’s where the signal is. That’s the kind of advice worth acting on.

Step 3: Talk Less, Listen More

This part stood out the most. She talked a lot. There wasn’t much space in the conversation—not for reflection, not for questions, not for connection.

And I understand why. When you're anxious or under pressure, it’s easy to over-explain. You want to show how much you’ve thought this through. You want the person to get you.

But when you dominate the conversation, you leave no room for the other person to engage.

And without that space, there’s no relationship—just noise.

The fix is simple, but not always easy: slow down. Ask real questions. Let silence do some of the work.

You don’t have to prove yourself in one breathless monologue. Give the other person a chance to want to know more about you.

The Bottom Line

The strongest networks are built on trust, clarity, and curiosity—not urgency, volume, or noise.

When you stop treating networking like a numbers game and start treating it like a conversation, everything changes.

People want to help. Opportunities show up. And instead of chasing momentum, you start to create it.

Because you're not just one connection away. You're one quality conversation away.